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Case of Mistaken Identity #1:

posted by Jen on 9/07/01

Streaks on the china? Never mattered before.

White trash get down on your knees, time for cake and sodomy!

Is Marilyn Manson the famed industrial musician/KISS fanboy/playah hata actually Rob Stone, the guy who played Kevin Owens on "Mr. Belvedere?" Sure, they look astonishingly similar. They both have extremely long faces. Kevin always wore too much makeup in the Belvedere episodes. But Marilyn fans are skeptical. His provocative songs about hate, gunns, and peanut butter couldn't possibly have been penned by a half-wit, womanizer such as Kevin Owens. Rob Stone fans are shocked that their favorite, naïve skirt-chasing 80's boy could be at the receiving end of the black-haired witchy woman's taint. Trent Reznor says terrible lie! Arnold says whatchoo talkin' ‘bout, Mr. Drummond? But Jen, the all-knowing, geeky internet writer says it's worth taking a closer look…

Let's briefly discuss the (minor) differences and collectively disregard them:

1. Kevin is rather short. Marilyn is well over 6-ft. tall.

Marilyn also had ribs removed and wears a glass eye. Who's to say he doesn't wear lifts in his shoes?

2. Kevin Owens' real name is Rob Stone. Marilyn's real name is Brian Warner.
I don't know what the answer is here, but I've got a feeling this guy does… BRIAN STONE.

3. Marilyn was born January 5, 1969. Kevin was born September 22, 1962... Interesting. Marilyn was born right before the summer of '69. Kevin loves Bryan Adams.

And now for the overwhelming similarities that can't be ignored. From the song lyrics to the lifestyle choices, it's almost sad. Sad that someone could be so ashamed as to hide from the feathered roots that adoring fans longed to run their fingers through. Sad that Marilyn has forgotten a little boy who used to dream about basketball championships and a girl called "Easy Paula." Alas, I cannot answer these questions. So, without further ado, I give you the facts about a man I'll call Kevin Manson:

1. Rob Stone wrote and produced a made for TV Movie entitled "The Blue Angels." Marilyn wrote and performed a song called "Angel With the Scabbed Wings."

2. Kevin used Mr. Belvedere to launch his career. Then he repayed him by forcing him to star in his film "The Sidewalk Motel." Marilyn used Trent Reznor to launch his career, then discarded him.

3. Citizens of Dallas, Texas awarded Rob Stone an award for Best Short Film for producing "Recess." Citizens for Peace and Respect in Denver, Colorado, politely asked Marilyn not to perform in Denver during the Ozzfest.

4. This portrait of an American Family is what jumpstarted Rob Stone's career:

Meanwhile, Manson jumpstarted his career with the album "Portrait of an American Family."

5. Manson's second album "Smells Like Children" reminds us of the time Kevin Owens told Wesley he smelled like flowers.

6. Manson's song "Shitty Chicken Gang Bang" (from the album "Smells like Children") bears a striking resemblance to some of the lines Rob Stone uttered in the Kansas City production "Grandma Duck is Dead."

7. Rob Stone was cast in the world premiere "Santa Fe Sunshine." Marilyn sang the ever-popular wedding song "In the Shadow of the Valley of Death."

Tracy's favorite line: "Marilyn, I'm gonna KILL you!!!!!"

8. Rob Stone was born in Dallas, TX. In the song "Cruci-fiction in Space," Marilyn sings "If Christ was in Texas…the hammer…the sickle…the only son." This clearly highlights how Rob Stone felt about Brice Breckham joining the cast of "Mr. Belvedere." Kevin was supposed to be the only son, dammit. If he could JUST get his hand on a sickle…then they'd all know who the REAL star was.

9. Rob Stone made a guest appearance on 21 Jump Street, while Marilyn was singing, "I saw a cop beat a priest on the TV…and they know they killed our heroes too."

...the shoulder in the picture is Marilyn's...

Blue and White plaid shirt (on Bob): J. Crew, $65.00
Blue sweater (on Marilyn): Talbot's, $88.00
Couch: Crate & Barrel, $595.99

Bouffant haircut (on Ilene) Supercut's, $10.00
Yellow plaid shirt (on Marilyn) Annie Sez, $24.00
The look on Wesley's face when Marilyn told him he ate his hamster: Priceless

10. Rob Stone's father, Dr. Marvin J. Stone saves the lives of cancer patients at Baylor Hospital in Texas. His mother works at the University of Texas Health Science Center. Marilyn sang a nice tribute to his parents as well: "I wanna thank you mom I wanna thank you dad for bringing this fucking world to a bitter end."

11. Kevin's dad found out he was smoking when he discovered the hole in Kevin's brand new sweater. Marilyn Manson willingly admits to digging up human bones and smoking them.

12. Kevin got married to Wendy for a class project. Wendy took it seriously and thought they were actually married. Kevin just about died. He screamed "Oh MG!!!"

Marilyn was marrying Rose McGowan. She is in the movie Scream. She died in that movie.

13. Kevin goes to jail for spraying paint on a mink coat to impress a cute environmental activist chic in an earlier episode. Marilyn eats live minks to impress anyone who will watch.

14. Kevin's brother Wesley blames himself for the death of his accordion teacher after he wished he would disappear. Marilyn slaughtered a flutophone player with his bare hands once, then he ate him.

15. Kevin takes out Paula Sweeney, the girl known as "easy" because he thinks he'll score. But when he gets to her house, he feels bad for stereotyping her and decides to treat her with respect. Marilyn Manson has cages of naked girls at some of his concerts. The audience gets to spit on them and show them the real meaning of respect.

16. Rob Stone appeared in "Angel Alley," opposite Lou Diamond Phillips. In Manson's "Cryptorchid," he also makes loving references to angels: "Each time I make my mother cry an angel dies and falls from heaven." Plus, Manson like diamonds. A lot.

17. As anyone who watches Mr. Belvedere knows, the theme of the show is this: disgruntled butler cooks and cleans for spoiled children and hates them to death. (If you haven't seen it, watch "Fresh Prince of Bel Air." Same exact idea, more politically correct.) At any rate, Marilyn Manson makes far too many references to domestic crafts for a "normal" singer (so many, I couldn't even list them), proving he is still harboring guilt for the way he treated his (TV) butler:

From "Wrapped in plastic":

Drove the children from their chores
Handcrafted housewives into whores

From "Get your gunn"

I eat innocent meat
The housewife I will beat

From "Little horn"

Now I am the dinner whore
There's a tumor in the t.v. mouth

(woah. Double reference to domestic duties and the evils of television.)

18. And in case you weren't convinced yet:

From "Dope Hat/Diary of a Dope Fiend/Dance of the Dope Hats (Remix)"

The children love the show, but they fail to see the anguish in my eyes
Fail to see the anguish in my eyes

It's like, he had to repeat the last line. Because he just couldn't stress enough how playing the part of Kevin on the show so damaged his inner core and caused anguish in his (duo-color) eyes. No, we didn't see the anguish in his eyes. Kevin was a sad puppet. A smiling actor just dying to break out of the shell. And break out he did.

Does Kevin ever find true happiness as Marilyn? You be the judge:

From "Born Again"
I'm someone else
I'm someone new
I'm someone stupid just like you

I just want to thank Brice Breckham for making it all possible


And for the next case of mistaken identity, I will investigate the Jerry Supiran/Billy Corgan mystery.

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