Men Are From Tommy Lee Jones, Women Are From Harrison Ford

Posted 7/25/12 by D-Mac

I pretty much keep on top of my Facebook newsfeed on a daily basis. I don’t post all that much.. Occasionally, I’ll give a “Like” to something.. Very rarely, will I comment on other people’s postings… but every single day, I read everything that is posted and appears on my newfeed. I don’t even know why.. maybe it’s kind of like why I still watch Jersey Shore or The Real World when it’s on. Maybe it’s just out of habit or more realistically, some masochistic tendencies that allow me to keep on hoping that it will once again get mindlessly entertaining like it was in the beginning. Deep down, I know it won’t. Deep down, I know Facebook is not entertaining in the least.. and a big reason for that.. women.

Now I’m not saying that I don’t thoroughly enjoy when women post drunken late night pictures of themselves and their friends (appreciate it very much to be honest).. I also enjoy when women post pics and videos of their kids, whether it be playing sports or just hanging out. Baby videos are never not cute.  Heck, posting pics and vids of your kids and comical stories about  your family should theoretically be the ONLY thing Facebook is about for anybody over the age of 35.

But still.. I  really wish there was an option to seperate men and women’s feeds somehow. Next time you’re on Facebook.. really look at it. I guarantee you that 9 times out of 10, guys post because they actually have something to say.. whether it be about sports, positive things about their kids and/or spouses, politics, maybe a link to something funny they read, etc.. Something that they’ve actually given a little bit of thought to and not haphazardly just thrown up whatever popped into their head in a Veruca Salt-esque moment of I WANT TO BE HEARD NOW, DADDY!

Women on the other hand.. A good majority of the time, whatever they’re posting is like one giant cry for attention.. Oh, look at me.. “BOYFRIEND DRAMA!!”

Oh, look at me.. “I know who my real friends are. Thanks girls. You know who you are.” (umm.. no 98% of the people on your friend’s list have no idea what you’re talking about actually)

Oh, look at me and “Check out the pictures of me with my seven dogs or cats!!” (I kinda liked it better when I didn’t know who the crazy cat lady was in the neighborhood by the way. It scares me that I actually knew some people from back in the day that turned out to be them. Oh, and they’re not your “babies”. They’re dogs and cats. “Babies” are what you don’t have and use pets to fill that void because you’re jealous of your friends that do. Don’t get mad at me. Get mad at basic psychology.))

Oh, look at me..  I copied and pasted some inspirational saying in picture form,  from some facebook page you’ve never heard of.. so now you have to read it too for some unknown reason.

Oh, look at me.. I’m a vegetarian and this is what I ate today (Dude, I don’t care what normal people eat and half the time their stuff actually looks good when they post it.. why would I care what disgusting wannabe meat-like concoction you’re making looks like)

Oh, look at me.. “I’m a SAHM (somehow all of those initials stand for “housewife”).. my kids are so much work and my husband is off at the amusement park (that’s where married women think they’re husbands go everyday at 8 in the morning).. and he never comes home and does anything.”

Oh look at me.. “I’m a parenting expert and I’m such a good parent that I will sit here and write six multi paragraph responses in the same thread I started while my kids are, well, it doesn’t matter where they are.. cause I’m the ultimate parent!”

Honestly, women if you fall into any of the above categories (and that was just off the top of my head without really giving it much thought).. but if you do post stuff like this.. just realize that there are tons of people like me. People that read their newsfeed everyday but aren’t active with postings of their own.. and every single time you post, we feel like Tommy Lee Jones slipping and losing his gun.. and whatever you say for all intents and purposes is Harrison Ford blathering on about not killing his wife.. and I think you get the idea.




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