Dancing With the Stars Season 10 Cast Revealed!!!1

Posted 3/2/10 by D-Mac

I have to admit..  I’ve never watched a single minute of “Dancing With the Stars” on purpose. It’s one of those weird shows though that even if you’re a casual reader of the internet or casual watcher of entertainment related tv shows, that you can not help but know what’s going on even if you don’t want to. From headlines on Yahoo’s main page to incessant promos during “Lost”, you’re going to know what’s going on whether you like it or not..

It always amuses me when they announce the new cast because it’s always these puff pieces that make the new castmembers out to be these hot stars who have no ulterior motives for appearing on the show whatsoever. No folks, these people are here purely to test their mettle on the dance floor in a friendly competition!! I would love if ABC would just issue an honest press release for once regarding this show.

Instead of this.. http://tv.yahoo.com/news/article/tv.accesshollywood.com/tv.accesshollywood.com-kate-gosselin-chad-ochocinco-shannen-doherty-among-new-dancing-with-stars-cast

I think a little more honesty would appear like this when it comes to introducing the contestants:

If you thought Kate Gosselin had been out of the limelight for a little while because she wanted to be home with her children and help them get through their parents rough public divorce.. well, do we have news for you! Kate’s actually been laying low because she was waaaaay overexposed in 2009 and her PR people thought it would be best if she just disappear off the radar for a little while and then reappear in early 2010 on Dancing with the Stars with new hair extensions to try and make you forget the reverse mulleted harpy who browbeat her poor ex-husband to the point that he completely snapped and started wearing Ed Hardy shirts and banging anything with a pulse. Don’t worry though.. because Kate will be bringing the kids to Hollywood with her, so she can try and parlay this into a new show for just her and the kids.. Jon’s legal complaints be damned.

Chad Ochocinco has been trying to lay the foundation for a post-NFL career for years. With declining skills on the football field, it’s time he kicks it up a notch and gets as much mainstream media exposure as possible. Follow Chad on Twitter as he gives you all of the backstage happenings and starts “humorous” rivalries with other contestants.

Pamela Anderson is getting old and decrepit very quickly. She’s been making embarrassing public appearances lately in low budget fashion shows, dressing like she’s still the Pam Anderson of 1994. Well, she’s not but her name still has some industry cache’, so we figured why the hell not.

We actually told Buzz Aldrin that “Dancing with the Stars” was a poetic documentary about the history of the US Space Program that was being filmed live before a studio audience and he bought it hook, line and sinker! Won’t he be pleasantly surprised when we pair him up with a young hottie and ask him to do the cha cha.

Evan Lysacek is fresh off of his gold medal win in Vancouver and it’s a smart move for him to strike while the iron is hot because once the Winter Olympics are over, people generally forget about all of the people involved in them within a month.

Shannen Doherty is getting a little long in the tooth and really, how much more mileage can she get out of being constantly referred to as a “bad girl”. Come see Shannen try and put on a friendly face, as she tries to show Hollywood execs, “Hey, I’m not that bad..” and land herself a new tv gig. When we told Shannen that chances are she would be voted off within the first few weeks, she joked, “Ha, it usually takes me three seasons before the powers that be vote me off of a show.”

Pussycat Doll frontwoman Nicole Scherzinger has been being referred to as “Pussycat doll frontwoman” Nicole Scherzinger for about two years now. Disappointed that people have not taken the hint and helped her drop the “Pussycat doll frontwoman” label, she’s joined the cast to try and force the issue and make you know exactly who Nicole Scherzinger is, so she can drop the “Pussycat doll frontwoman” prefix from future press releases for herself.

Dancing with the Stars is an ABC show and rather than waste commercial time that we can use to sell to advertisers instead, here are the two token ABC “stars” that we’re sticking into the competition to cross promote our network. Neither have a chance in hell of winning but hey, if we can get a few extra people to tune into All My Children or The Bachelor, these guys, Aiden Turner and Jake Pavelka are hotel rooms well spent.

Do we have any black women on the show? Crap.. Ok, folks.. let’s welcome “funnylady” Niecy Nash!!  Who the hell is Niecy Nash? (handed a piece of paper) A quick Wikipedia search says that she was on Reno 911!!

To show you how out of touch network execs are with America, we’ll give Kate Gosselin and Shannen Doherty top billing as this season’s biggest stars but the reality is, the only contestant who has a shot in hell of bringing in new viewers who have never watched the show before, we’ll bury smack dab in the middle of every press release or fluff piece about the show.. Yes, we’re talking about Erin Andrews! If you spent hours rummaging the internet for the peephole footage of Erin checking out her ass in the mirror of a hotel room.. well, come and pull up a chair and get your kleenex ready.. cause we are going to dress her up real nice and help her make the mainstream push from being a super hot sports reporter to being an, “Ehh.. she’s a pretty girl” regular entertainment news reporter.

So won’t you please join us for Season 10 of Dancing With the Stars. It promises to be the best one ever!

Dave

dave@whatever-dude.com

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